Hey everyone, so I haven't posted in a long time. Life got in the way.

A very belated thanks to darkinuyoukai and evercool  for their birthday wishes. I really appreciated it. :)
Also while on the subject, an early happy birthday shout out to oxygenlove  because I know I'm not going to be around for it, haha.

Ever wonder if you were just deluding yourself into thinking that you couldn't have something, when there was an actual possibility that you could have it? But by the end of the day, it feels like it's not going to happen anyway.

Maybe I am deluding myself. Maybe it's better to not get my hopes up anyway, because I wouldn't want to disappoint myself. Again.

I'm so pathetic. I can't stop thinking about you. Falling for you is like setting myself up for disappointment. I must be a masochist for falling for you.

_________,

Hey, about hanging out, it seems everytime I try to call, you're not there, and I guess I'm just going to give up now. If you really wanted to hang out with me, then I'll leave it up to you, because I'm sick of how this is starting to become very clear. Why does it feel like our friendship is only one-sided?

I miss you, _________. I really do, and I want to see you, but if I wanted to be honest with you, I'd say, despite the fact that it doesn't feel like I have to the right to say this to you anymore... I'm disappointed in you. What are you doing, smoking pot? Doing drugs? Alcohol? I expected so much better from you, not this shit that it seems you've gotten yourself into.

You promised me, but then again, you promised me so much before, and what do promises really mean these days? Are they as hollow as I think they are?

I wish I could be more understanding, I really do. But I don't know where my limit is, and I'm not sure if I really want to find out. I'll never stop considering myself your friend, I know. I guess that's why it hurts so much. You're never there when I need you anymore, and I can never get anything right. It's been such a privilege. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I wouldn't even blame you if your friends will hate me for this. That's just it. They're /your/ friends, not mine, and they can come up with their own opinions about me, and I won't give a damn anymore. I've changed, _________. You have, too.

A long time ago, when we were still disillusioned and wrapped up in our own little fantasies, I made a promise to you that I'd never let you fall this far, so firm in the conviction that I could stop the rain from falling. I failed you, and I'll always remember that. I'm sorry I let you down.

Vicky

Our doubts were always our traitors, weren't they. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but how is that possible when the gap never seems to close? I want to see you, now. But I know that's not possible.

On that note, I took a little time to whip up a little mini-story to see how my writing still is these days. A little feedback would be nice, but I know I haven't been active these days, and most of you wouldn't care, haha. I guess you could say my paragraph above is my little 'prompt'.

( Story Excerpt? )

Oh dear lord, writing any form of a story still feels so foreign to me. (Romance, especially, or lack thereof in this case, I don't know.) When was the last time I wrote some inking of a romance? I don't even remember. Check my profile or something. Ugh.

I know I could change the names and style a bit; easily rip it and stick it into a fandom to get some replies and see how rusty I've gotten at this. Maybe later.

Anyway, I hope that was okay. I'll be fretting over it later, I'm sure.

So my insane exam schedule is finally over. 11 exams within the past 2-3 weeks. It's been stressful, but I felt so elated when I exited my last exam today.

At this point, I'd love to say that I could catch up on all the friends entries I've missed, but there's so many, and I'm not sure where I could start. Even worse than that, summer classes start next week, and my pathetic little escapade that you could call a 'break' is filled with many obligations and volunteering errands, so no break for me after all, haha. :)

I miss conversations with you guys, but I'll be back soon.

Sorry I haven't been active lately. :(

I had 3 exams on Friday, and I have 7 more in the next two weeks or so. So understandably, well... it's a high-anxiety, high-stress time for me right now. I'm either busy feeling guilty about procrastinating, aiding in the organization of some year-end events, or studying like crazy for my exams.

I think I'm going to go bloody mad soon. Very soon.

Alright, I swear. For the past month or so, there have been these Russian people (I'm pretty sure by their journal) that have been adding me as a friend to their LJ. At first it was more of a "Oh, I don't really care, no harm done." But it's getting up to twenty of them, and it's becoming very irritating. More like spam, really. I don't even know them. Or understand their language. So, even though I sincerely doubt that they're going to read this entry at all, I'd like to find a way to put a stop to this. It's a nuisance. Stop adding me just to make your friends list look impressive. Thank you.

*huffs* Anyway, I have so much work that I'm falling so far behind - more so than I've even been, and the worst part is I don't have the willpower to catch up because I'm so many chapters behind, and I'm tired. I spent the past few days heavy lifting furniture and such. I'm moving into a room upstairs, so everything is going up, up, up. And it's once again, more than tiring. The cables are being rearranged in the house, and I have things in baskets everywhere, waiting to be unpacked. And all I feel like doing is reading. (Because that's all I do these days, isn't it?)

I know I haven't replied to some friends entries yet! I think I'll leave it until tomorrow, because I'm yawning too much to concentrate, haha. (That's a poor excuse. I'm just too absorbed in reading this long Harry Potter fanfic as usual, haha.) Sorry guys, hang on tight, okay?

akhensutekh, you left for Egypt today. I'd just like to say once again, "Have a wonderful trip!" :) And I hope to talk with you again after your hiatus.

Well hey guys, I must've been delusional when I said that I could check my email and maybe read your posts during this trip. I have no time whatsoever. I'm getting so little sleep... it's like... 12am to 5am ish. Well, I'm just surprised I don't feel like I have jet lag, but the weather here has been wonderful, and we saw Cirque and Animal Kingdom.

There's a line waiting for the computers, so I better rush off soon. How are you guys? :) (Oh my gosh, I have to get to sleep now if I want 5 hours DX ~~~

Wow! So all this anticipation that has been building up for the past week is getting unbearable, haha. In just 3 hours, I'm going to be heading off to Orlando, and I can't wait! Of course, I have the worst workload right now, but I'm glad for the break. I know I've needed it for a long time.

So we're going to just about every park possible--- This means that I'll be gone for a week. There will be internet at the hotel, but I know I'm going to be getting back pretty late every night, and will be getting up very obnoxiously early, so I'm probably not going to hang around LJ much. I might reply to a few things, and post a new entry or something, but otherwise, my time on the computer will be spent trying to get a handle on an online group project that I'm supposed to do.

It'll be a nice change of weather, that's for sure. It's been raining a lot recently. The weather fluctuates pretty quickly here.

Anyway, I'm doing some last minute packing, so I'll get in touch with you guys later~

Sorry I haven't been posting much, I'm just going through a tough spot right now, I guess. Papers are due left and right, and my parents are yet again planning their divorce. I don't know, I think I'd rather they just break up now, honestly. I can't handle their constantly changing decisions, and I think it's so much harder just not knowing if they really mean it that one time, or if it's just another empty threat.

Just out of everything, I'm dipping in and out of depression more often now, especially with the current events. The divide between my home life and social life is getting more and more obvious by the day. My attitude feels so different at home.

My $600 phone was stolen at the track meet yesterday. Six hundred dollars. Between my mom yelling at me, and me beating myself up over it already, I'm already starting to feel the burning hole of not having a phone. So many times already I've reached for something that wasn't there. I let my phone turn into a crutch, and now that it's gone, I feel so lost. I also want to punch the bastard that stole my phone while I was volunteering.

Anyway... I had a story in progress on my phone that was coming along nicely. Now there's nothing, again. My phone's gone. My contacts are gone, and I'm slowly starting to lose it. Pun not intended.

I don't get to rest during the weekends anymore. Why do I have to be such a failure? I need a break from life.

Awee Ji, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not a fan of your new hairstyle. ): Why a perm? I envied your old, pretty hairstyles. DX *sighs* Anything but this new perm...and the cornrolls... Just... @W#&SDG(FGDYI#@O#!@



Nooooooo! Time to mourn. DX *shifts off into a corner to sulk alone*